If you think that you're sick of staring at my pee jug...you have no idea how tired I am of peeing in them.

However, I am up and posting again, on my personal blog. I've been trying to think of all the witty things I could post and all I really keep thinking about is how Percocet makes the computer screen really fuzzy and all of the interesting and funny things I want to post are really inappropriate. So here's a little post/shout out to the hospital. For those of you who have had a hospital stay, especially one in Labor and Delivery, I think you should appreciate this.

Dearest hospital I've loved all my stays

I've loved that every doctor appt has turned into days

I've loved the mesh panties, the one size fits all

and the maxi pads so long they could carpet the hall

I love the urine catch I must empty myself

into the orange container that rests on the shelf.

I love when you tell me I'm here on bed rest

and then awake me each hour, yes that is the best.

I love eating my breakfast, my lunch and my dinner

all food that would be better flavored with paint thinner

Those 2000 calories of pork, chicken, or pork

and eggs so soggy you don't need a fork.

But at least you can have all the water you want

just know on your bill that that water will taunt

$4 a refill, $12 a pill

who doesn't love a 10 page hospital bill?

I love to detach from all of the wires and tubes

To go to the bathroom, to notice my boobs

now droop to my knees without the suppport

of a bra or a shirt when I'm wearing this fort

of a hospital gown that flaps open in back

and shows off my behind, guys cut me some slack.

I love being violated by five different nurses

that pull up my gown while I'm screaming some curses.

That root around down there until they find what they need

Oh sure sweetheart, you're still pregnant indeed.

But just to be sure some more blood we will draw

and stab you six times as your veins all have flaws

You'll wait for the doctor from 10 until 7

only to find out he's bringing down babies from heaven

so you'll sit in your bed and wait and just wait

and wonder why you were given a luxury egg crate

that smells like old people, death rotting, and urine

all the while you sit there waiting and worrying

that the smell that you're smelling might really be you

because you haven't showered since what feels like 02.

So the doc finally comes to tell you the news

you're going home today, with a list of strange do's

You do stay in bed, drink plenty of water

and have someone else watch your young son or daughter

and make an appointment for three days from now

When you'll be readmitted to the hospital, still a big preggo cow